Why I Will Never Watch Chronicles of Narnia

Okay, to preface this entry, I remind you all I work at Blockbuster.

Moving on. We have a PS3 set up playing BluRays thru at 30-esque inch plasma television. Some nights we switch it up, but lately all we've been watching is the first Chronicles of Narnia. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe or whatever. It plays on infinite repeat during all hours of operation. Everyone raves about how great the movie is and I still haven't seen it all the way through.

I officially decided tonight that I won't. I looked up at the screen at various times to see what sort of AWESOMENESS would be laid at my feet (as everyone had claimed happened to them).

The first time I looked up, I saw a group of kids following an enormous groundhog around. How quaint, I thought, that these kids be following an enormous, wise groundhog through this crazy ass tunnel. I went back to work and ignored a large portion of the movie.

The next time I looked up, there was James McAvoy as a dwarf goat/man hybrid whispering to one of the kids from the "Groundhog Chase" scene earlier. What kind of message is this sending to the youth? "Let every dwarf goat/man hybrid that looks like the guy from Wanted seclude you in a forest?" Unacceptable. This was the beginning of my impression that this movie was shitty.
The third time I looked at the screen, I saw Santa Claus. This needs no explanation as to why I was unimpressed besides a hearty "What the fuck?!". It's like they just tossed him in there because, "Why the fuck not?".
The fourth (and final nail in the coffin) scene I viewed was actually more comical than anything. A bunch of dwarves that looked like James McAvoy (without goat legs) had tied a lion up and started shaving him. I'm sure there's symbolism I'm not understanding but all I can imagine is someone is going to be ULTIMATELY pissed off that somebody shaved their lion.

I could find any pictures online of the lion shaving. Sorry.

My co-worker tried to explain that The Wardrobe is selective as to who it allows to enter Narnia. I thought critically for a moment as to why it wouldn't chuck out the pedophile goat/man and the dwarven lion shavers. I mean, it can keep Santa, because for all intents and purposes, he's an okay guy, but what about that big groundhog? What's he do that's so great?