25 November 2008

What is so funny about Jeff Dunham?

I officially tried today to watch some Jeff Dunham on YouTube and, I must say, I cannot find the man funny. One clip I watched, for instance, was a puppet commenting on how his name should be pronounced Jefa-fa Dun Ham. Over and over and over again. For nearly the full 2:26. See below.





I, too, can repeat myself ad nauseum about many different topics. But, I can't use a puppet to save my life. Frankly, puppets freak me out. Two strikes, Mr. Dunham. The third strike comes in the form of a skeletonized terrorist puppet named Achmed. This 1:51 video plays into nothing more than simple stereotypes and common misinformation referring to Middle Easterners in general. I figure (as well as my manager), that Jeff Dunham is actually not a racist. He is, however, well aware of who rents and buys his DVDs. From my own experience at Blockbuster, they are generally unkempt, with poor dental hygeine and had to drive no less that 45 minutes out of the hills to come to our store. I once had a lady rent two of his DVDs with rolled coins as payment. These people have been caught up in the fear mongering and Jeff Dunham knows that they that "A-rabs are terr'rist sunsabitches". So, he plays into it and all his redneck fans dig his stuff even harder. Below, endure 10:47 of ignorance.





Wow. Painful, no? What I found equally disturbing and simultaneously a great business strategy was this little gem from Dane Cook. It's (believe me) about atheists, he wanders off on random shit the entire time. But, basically, he denounces an atheist as being ridiculous and speaks about how ridiculous his views are. Well, that's what the atheist doing and it was unacceptable. Hm? American double standard at work. Dane Cook is not funny anyways, but this is just retarded. My ex-girlfriend's friend was watching it and everyone was having a good laugh. Her friend is actually also 19, with a kid, married to a marine that treats her like shit. Idyllic little Eden they have. Here's Dane Shitbreath McCook's atheist joke:





He talks about going to heaven, but he's already out, man. In a big way. St. Peter will not allow him in because of this shit:





So, an alarming percentage of Americans eat this shit up because they get it. It's easy to understand. Jeff Dunham's name has the word Ham in it. *Check*. Terrorists are bad. *Check* Atheists are going to burn in hell. *Check*. Throw some deeper meaning into stand up comedy, and people don't get it. Steven Wright is a perfect example (warning: not awesome sound) as is Mitch Hedberg:








So, to summarize, I'm not really upset at Dunham and Cook, they have their own kind of humor. I'm upset that too many Americans enjoy that sort of inane bullshit and instead of actively working on any number of problems, they watch morons talk about it via stereotypes and generalizations.

18 November 2008


Don't Think Twice, It's Alright
Written By Bob Dylan
Performed By Bryan Ferry

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don't matter, anyhow
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don't know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

15 November 2008

Roxy Music ~ If There Is Something



Roxy Music ~ If There Is Something

If there is something that
I might find
Look around corners
Try to find peace of mind I say
Where would you go if you were me
Try to keep a straight course not easy
Somebody special looking at me
A certain reaction we find
What should it try to be I mean
If there are many
Meaning the same
Be specific just a game

I would do anything for you
I would climb mountains
I would swim all the oceans blue
I would walk a thousand miles
Reveal my secrets
More than enough for me to share
I would put roses round our door
Sit in the garden
Growing potatoes by the score

Shake your hair girl with your ponytail
Takes me right back when you were young
Throw your precious gifts into the air
Watch them fall down when you were young
Lift up your feet and put them on the ground
You used to walk upon when you were young
Lift up your feet and put them on the ground
The hills were higher when we were young
Lift up your feet and put them on the ground
The trees were taller when you were young
Lift up your feet and put them on the ground
The grass was greener when you were young
Lift up your feet and put them on the ground
You used to walk upon when you were young

14 November 2008

Neil Young ~ After The Goldrush Lyrics

Neil Young ~ After The Gold Rush

Well, I dreamed I saw the knights
In armor coming,
Saying something about a queen
There were peasants singing
And drummers drumming
And the archer split the tree
There was a fanfare blowing to the sun
That was floating on the breeze
Look at Mother Nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies
Look at Mother Nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies

I was lying in a burned out basement
With a full moon in my eye
I was hoping for replacement
When the sun burst through the sky
There was a band playing in my head
And I felt like getting high
I was thinking about what a friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie
Thinking about what a friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie

I dreamed I saw the
Silver spaceships flying
In the yellow haze of the sun
There were children crying
And colors flying
All around the chosen one
All in a dream, all in a dream
The loading had begun
Flying Mother Nature's silver seed
To a new home in the sun
Flying Mother Nature's silver seed
To a new home

10 November 2008

Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band - Cape Canaveral Lyrics



Oh, oh, oh brother totem pole
I saw your legends lined up
And I never felt more natural
Apart, I just came apart

Please, please, please sister Socrates
You always answer with a question
Show some kindness to a petty thief
Forgive, you did forgive

Saw the migrants smoke in the old orange grove
And the red rocket blaze over Cape Canaveral
You’ve been a father to me
In 1960’s speak
In the comatose joy that we’re on TV
While the mountain’s side was shining
Wild colors of my destiny

I watched your face age backwards
Changing shape in my memory
You told me victory’s sweet
Even deep in the cheap seats

Hey, hey, hey mother interstate
Can you deliver me from evil
Make me honest make me wedding cake
Atone, I will atone

Wait, wait, wait mighty outer-space
All that flying saucer terror
Made me lazy drinking lemonade
A waste, it just went to waste

Like the Freon cold out the hotel door
Or the white rocket fade over Cape Canaveral
You’ve been a daughter to me
Your buried shoe-box grief
I felt your poltergeist love like savannah heat
While the waterfall was pouring
Crazy symbols of my destiny

I watched your face die backwards
Little baby in my memory
A lonely victory sweet
Even deep in the cheap seats

And you don’t judge me
That’s not your style
But I won’t see you for a little while
And there’s no worries
Whose got time
All these changes are going to fill your mind

Like the citrus glow off the old orange grove
Or the red rocket blaze over Cape Canaveral
It’s been a nightmare to me
Some 1980’s grief
Gives me parachute dreams
Like old war movies
While the universe was drawn
Perfect circles form infinity

Saw the stars get smaller
Tiny diamonds in my memory
I know that victory is sweet
Even deep in the cheap seats